Airport Madness - Written Dec. 12

MacDonald-Cartier Airport, Ottawa, Dec. 12, 5:30 a.m.

Flying isn't so bad once you're in the air. It's getting into the air that I find the most stressful.

I got a cab to the airport that picked me up at 3:30 a.m. after only a few hours of restless sleep. Blueline isn't making appointments for pickups because of the transit strike, but the cab was on time. He raced through the empty Ottawa streets to the airport. If only traffic was that light at other times.

I hate airports. Long standing in lines like cattle. Then my least favourite – the security search. It seems they base the rules on the last terrorist incident instead of the next. Thanks to that damn Richard Read, the shoe bomber, everyone now has to remove their shoes. Thanks to those terrorists with liquid explosives, they now seize from little old ladies any 200 ml tube of toothpaste, even though there's only 30 ml still in the tube. I pray that no terrorist ever tries to smuggle explosives in his anal cavity, or CATSA will be lining up passengers for cavity searches in full view of everyone else before they can get through security.

I'm now at Gate 5 with about a half hour before my flight to Chicago boards. Then, if all goes well, I'll have a long wait in Chicago before getting a flight from there to Dallas-Fort Worth, and from there another to Cancun. Gone are the days of Max Ward and Wardair. If I'm lucky they might sell a bag of pretzels for $10.

Dallas-Fort Worth, 12:25

So close, but so far. I was faced with a five-hour wait in Chicago, but decided to check if I could get on an earlier flight to DFW. I was lucky. There was one going in a few minutes and I was able to get a standby seat. The only catch is my checked bag will go by my old itinerary. For that reason, I wasn't able to pull the standby routine on the DFW-Cancun leg. I could have got a standby ticket and been there this afternoon, but they won't let you arrive separately from your bag on an international flight. Oh well, I can get to know the DFW airport again for the next six hours. At least it's sunny and there's NO snow! DFW now has a cool monorail system between its terminals, so if I get tired of reading I can ride around.

I considered spending some time going into central Dallas to take a look around. In particular I've always been curious to see the book depository from where Lee Harvey Oswald allegedly shot JFK, as well as the infamous grassy knoll. But this would've meant leaving the airport, worrying about getting back, and going through the security hassle again. So I decided to stay put until and even caught a little sleep seated in a chair.